Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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