I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
