Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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