Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
