new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
PANTIES FOUND
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