I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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