john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize