i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
