Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
