Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
