I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
