well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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