I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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