yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
