thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
