I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
