I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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