You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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