do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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