I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
