I'm going to jail i love you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
