omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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