We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
