seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
