im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
