dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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