youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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