from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
