I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
lol hangovers are for mortals.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
