if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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