Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So much rum. So many feels.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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