all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
