The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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