Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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