dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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