I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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