I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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