I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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