So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
