she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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