Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
