I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
