Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
