i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
