Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize