Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dicks are not precious.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
