on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
