Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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