Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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