So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize