We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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