saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
