I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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