New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
