I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
