i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Blood and glitter go together right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
