he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
