At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you would pick up someone in the library
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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