Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize