Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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