he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
