Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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