Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize