I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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