Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
