She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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