Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
