Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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