i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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