Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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