I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
