i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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