tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
