I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
