I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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