when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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