Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize