im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
