I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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