Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
