First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize