So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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