saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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