I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
