Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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