There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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