Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
