the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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