did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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