If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
