I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
