there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
