mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
please come you make the beer taste better
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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