There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
