i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
