Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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