I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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