Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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