Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
